Bad Wolf Don't Bite No More
by jacaranda blooms
Summary: Kaja is a thief content to live her life in relative peace. Until two orcs come knocking, seeking her out for a job that gets her wrapped up in the journey of Thorin Oakenshield's company. The reclaiming of mountains matters little to Kaja, but things in Middle Earth are rapidly changing, and she finds herself invariably in over her head.
1. Chapter 1

**I should be studying for a math test right now. Am I studying for a math test? No. I'm writing Hobbit fic.**

 **I very seldom post my writing online, but here we are. This is unbeta'd, so any mistakes are my own. I own nothing but my OC, etc, etc.**

* * *

If she shrugged her left shoulder up and down, she could hear the ominous sound of bone grinding unpleasantly against something.

It wasn't an auspicious end to her day.

But it didn't actually hurt beyond a faint twinge every other shrug, so Kaja just massaged it absently as she walked, head ducked against the biting cold and incessant rain. Probably she just hadn't set it right when it had dislocated after her fall off that roof the other day. Frankly, it was a wonder she still had all her limbs attached and in working order. Sometimes she felt remarkably spry, other times she woke up with the joints of a hundred year old woman.

 _Perks of the job_ , she thought, and snorted audibly enough to startle a drunkard on the side of the road out of his stupor. Kaja ignored his indignant glare as she marched past, her attention on the wooden sign that had finally swam into focus ahead through the darkness.

The chipped, painted words were in some dialect of Sindarin that made little sense to Kaja. Her standard Sindarin was barely up scratch, much less some obscure offshoot that had taken root out in the middle of Drúwaith Iaur. Something about a...hornet? That meant either 'superb' or 'dusty'. Kaja hadn't the foggiest idea why any of those words would come to mind when naming your inn, but maybe that was why she had never found success in the inn owning business.

Regardless, she shouldered open the door and ducked out of the rain, stomping mud off her boots and shaking out the hood of her cloak. There were two fireplaces on either end of the main room, and they did a wonderful job of making the inn almost uncomfortably warm in contrast to the outside air. Kaja crossed the crowded space, savoring the heat and willing it to sink through her soaked skin and ease her cramped muscles. She flagged down the barmaid and ordered a plate of food and whatever was on tap, settling herself on a stool at the far end of the bar.

The inn was surprisingly crowded for being in a tiny hole in the wall town. It looked like half the town's occupants were stuffed inside the place, all laughing and talking and shouting to be heard over one another. It would have been obnoxious, if Kaja hadn't spent the past two weeks alone, hunched out in the cold watching the changing of guards at a manor almost two days walk from here. The company was appreciated, if rowdy and separate from her.

"Will ye be wanting a room?" The barmaid asked, appearing at her elbow and sliding a mug of frothy drink and a plate of food in front of Kaja. "We've got one spare left, if ye'll be needing it?"

The speech, at least, was just heavily accented Westron. Kaja could understand that much, and she put on a bright smile for the woman. "Yes, that would be lovely, thank you."

The woman curtsied briefly before scampering off into the crowd while Kaja turned to dig into the plate of boiled potatoes and chicken. The ale was a bit watery, and the meat slightly overcooked, but it was warm and hearty, and the first real meal Kaja had had for a long time. She scarfed it down in record time, sipping at her drink and savoring the piece of bread at a more sedate pace.

Perhaps she would ask around, see if there was anyone in town with medical knowledge who might be able to reset her shoulder properly. It wasn't bothering her so much right now, but if left untended for too long it could cause problems she didn't even notice until it was too late. The last thing she needed was for her arm to suddenly stop working in the middle of scaling a wall. Again.

Besides, she could do with a new cloak, as well. This one had served her well these past three winters, but it was fraying at the hem, and she had already patched several rips and holes. The fur lining wasn't as warm as it used to be. Winter would be drawing to a close soon anyway, perhaps she would look into a more versatile cloak.

And she could go east this time. Somewhere warmer. Just for a bit of a break from this damned cold. Kaja had a fondness for the winter, but it didn't mean she enjoyed tramping through a foot of snow everywhere she went. Have you ever tried to avoid a hunting party of armed guards in the snow while leaving no tracks? It wasn't easy.

So. East, then.

It was as good a lead as any. Kaja didn't have any other jobs lined up right now, and it might do her good to take a break, rest her injuries and recuperate some. Eat real food, get a few real nights rest.

The more she thought on it, the more pleasing the idea seemed, and by the time she stuffed the last bite of bread into her mouth and chased it with a swig of ale, Kaja's mind was made up. It would do her good to take some time off, see some sights, let the heat on her back die down a little.

Deep in thought as she was, Kaja almost didn't notice the barmaid's reappearance at her side. Kaja plastered on a charming smile once more, but it faltered in the face of the obvious fear on the dark-haired woman's expression.

Her hands were restlessly twisting her apron, and her pretty face was screwed up with apprehension. Even her dark, curly hair seemed somehow frizzy with nerves.

"Yes?" Kaja prompted when the woman just made an indistinct sort of squeaking sound.

The barmaid cleared her throat and said uncomfortably, just loud enough to be heard over the din of the surrounding room, "There's a...there's an orc outside. Looking for you."

Kaja felt her own face screw up in confusion. Orcs had no business with her, and she certainly had no business with them. The men after her had most certainly given up the search after darkness had fallen over the forest she had escaped into, and the falling snow would've covered whatever tracks she left. The painting she had stolen from the manor had been expensive, to be sure, but not the kind of thing you hired _orcs_ to reclaim. Not to mention the fact that no orc would politely ask for you to meet them out in an alley before chopping your head off your neck. They'd just do it when you weren't looking.

"Mister Maggins don't allow any of those folk in the inn," the barmaid hastened to explain when Kaja held her silence. "I...I don't mean any trouble for ye, I can t-tell them to go away..."

Kaja slid off her stool, smiling and patting the woman gently on the elbow. "Not to worry, my good lady. Thank you for the food, it was very good. And if you would put aside a room for me tonight?"

"Y-yes, a' course," Kaja heard the barmaid stutter as she turned and moved purposefully through the throngs of bodies.

One blessing, the rain had stopped. Now she had only to contend with the cold, the mud, and the two orcs currently standing in the middle of the road, ugly faces turned up to her with matching scowls. Or perhaps those were just their faces. Ugly, twisted things with grayish skin and beady white eyes. Kaja could honestly say she had had little dealings with orcs in her time, not nearly enough to judge the appearance of these two pearls.

"Evening, gentlemen," she said, stopping with more than a polite distance between them, hands braced on her hips, eyebrow raised imperiously. "What in Arda's name do you want, and how did you know I was here?"

"Followed ye here," the one on the left grunted, ignoring the unpleasant look shot to him by his companion. "Sniffed ye out t' here."

"Lovely," Kaja said flatly. "Mighty fine...sniffing. And what is it you want of me?"

It would be nothing good. Nothing good ever came from orcs, or their ilk.

Sure enough, it was the one on the right that answered this time. "A job, for the _ungol tvkar._ "

The black speech rattled all the teeth in Kaja's mouth, though she didn't outwardly wince or show the disgust she felt. She didn't know what it meant, but she could guess any nickname of hers that had reached the ears of orcs and their kind would not be complimentary.

"I'm not looking for work," she said shortly.

"You will, if we give the right incentive," the orc on the right sneered. He produced a roll of parchment from somewhere on his person, tossing it across the street to Kaja.

She caught it, frowning deeply, but not yet opening it. These things tended to be slippery slopes, and it felt very much like she was perched on the edge of a sheet of ice that went directly downwards. Slowly, she unrolled the parchment, and scanned the words written in a sharp hand.

Disgust curled like a snake in Kaja's stomach as she read. She calmly re-rolled the parchment and tossed it back to the orc, who caught it without a glance.

"I don't cut off heads for money anymore," she said. "I've turned over a new leaf."

Left Orc laughed - or at least, he made a rasping noise that might've been a parody of a laugh - and hissed, "But a mighty fine bounty on the head."

Not bothering to stop her lip from curling into a sneer, Kaja asked, "And what need have you of giving me this job? Two fine orcs like yourselves can't track down a single dwarf?"

Left Orc snarled at her, but Right Orc raised a hand to ward off his friend, and turned those beady white eyes onto her.

"Dwarves are slippery vermin. Best to 'ave all kinds of eyes an' ears on 'im. And our master can reward you in ways even you can't imagine, _ungol tvkar_."

Kaja really wished he would stop calling her that. She could've gone the rest of her life without knowing that orcs knew who she was - or, apparently, what she _smelled_ like.

"A generous offer," she deadpanned, "but I will have to refuse."

The words were scarcely out of her mouth when an arm of iron muscle wrapped like a vice around her neck. Kaja reared automatically, choking, kicking her legs to try and offset their balance, but she might as well have been a squirrel trying to knock down an oak tree. The orc didn't even shift its weight as she flailed, trying to dislodge or at least ease it's grip on her windpipe.

"We were not giving you the opportunity to refuse," snickered Left Orc.

"We don't need her dead," Right Orc barked when Kaja wheezed and choked out a cough.

The arm around her neck slackened marginally, and she forced herself to take slow, steady gulps of air.

"This is hardly becoming of you, gentlemen," she rasped. "Accosting a lady thusly."

"Lady," snickered Left Orc. Kaja's eyes narrowed. She would kill him first.

"Our master will reward your cooperation handsomely," Right Orc said, taking several long steps forward until he was uncomfortably far into Kaja's personal space. She could smell his fetid breath on her face. "And you _will_ cooperate, _tvkar._ "

Kaja bit her tongue, and glared.

Right Orc took her silence as assent, and a twisted smile stretched his ugly face. "And seeing as you have spider fingers, thief, after you've collected the dwarf head, search him for a map. Our master has an interest in it."

The arm around her neck had slackened a little further when she had gone quiet and compliant. _Never give an inch, if you aren't willing to be dragged a mile,_ as Kaja's mother used to say. She would have to teach them that the hard way.

The heel of her boot caught the underside of Right Orc's jaw, snapping his head back with enough force that something audibly snapped. Using the momentum of the kick, she twisted forcefully and dropped out of the hold of the orc behind her. The hidden blade up her sleeve sprung out with a soft _schik_ of metal, and she had it buried hilt-deep in the orc's throat a heartbeat later.

Spinning, she lashed out with the knife at Left Orc, who had charged her with a roar, and slashed across his eyes. He howled, reeling and clutching at his bloody face, missing the foot that Kaja planted firmly into his chest, sending him crashing back into a puddle.

Kaja turned slowly to face Right Orc, who was snarling. By the awkward way his mouth was hanging open, she assumed his jaw was broken.

She smiled sweetly. "That looks like it hurts. You don't happen to know how to reset a dislocated shoulder, do you?"

Right Orc roared, charging with blind rage, which Kaja sidestepped easily. She kicked out his knee, grabbed him by the back of his filthy tunic, and slit open his throat in one smooth move.

Kaja let the orc's body drop to the mud, sneering distastefully at the black blood coating her knife and arm.

"How unpleasant," she muttered, and turned her attention to the last orc, currently attempting to drag it's way into an alley, whimpering low in it's throat.

Kaja stepped over Right Orc, moving calmly over to Left Orc and planted a boot on the back of it's head, pressing down hard enough to force it's face into the muddy water. It flailed ineffectually, and Kaja spitefully held it there a moment longer before lifting her foot and rolling the orc forcefully onto it's back.

"Who is your master?" She asked.

It's eyes were like two sliced open grapes in the middle of it's face. Blood was still flowing, and it whined pathetically. Kaja planted her boot on it's throat, and began pressing.

"A-Azog," it gritted out, snarling and baring teeth.

The name meant little to Kaja, so she pressed further. "Why did he want me for the job?"

She could feel it struggling to swallow under the sole of her boot. She did not ease up.

"H...he wants everyone on it."

Kaja nearly scoffed. Some master orc wanted 'everyone' to track down and kill one damn dwarf? Clearly the dwarf knew how to piss off the right people. Or the wrong ones, really.

"What was that about a map? What use do orcs have with dwarvish maps?"

Left Orc remained stubbornly silent until Kaja, tired and in pain herself, momentarily lost her temper and _stomped_ hard down on it's nose.

"Do not know!" The orc wailed, flailing when she planted her other boot on it's chest until she was literally standing with her whole weight on him. "He did not say!"

"That's very unfortunate," Kaja sighed. "I'll have to dig a hole for three useless corpses, then."

One swift downward stab, and the orc was dead before it could whine any further.

Kaja stood, stepping off the orc, cleaning her blade absently on the edge of her cloak. She glanced around the empty street, scowling. No one had come running at the sound of the scuffle. The drunk that had been snoring on the street corner when Kaja had come through town was now nowhere to be found. Typical.

She crossed to where Right Orc was lying in a puddle of it's own blood, and, nose wrinkled, she pawed cautiously through the small satchel tied around it's waist. She plucked out the roll of parchment, shaking it off as if to dispatch a nest of insects, and unwound it, scanning the words once more.

Everyone in this town was clearly useless, or cowards, or deaf. She would have to dispose of the bodies, but everything was too wet to just pile them up and burn them. It seemed rude to the citizens to just leave a couple of dead orcs lying around, and it would be stupid for her to leave evidence so out in the open besides. She was tired, but she would have to deal with them.

Kaja's eyes narrowed down at the paper in her blood-streaked hand. She would deal with the corpses, then she would rest. At first light she would set off, but not East as she had been planning. No. She would go North.

She would have to see what trouble one Thorin Oakenshield had gotten her into.


	2. Chapter 2

**Do people really need to even hear that fanfic writers don't own the stuff they're writing about anymore? Go ahead, lawyers. Just try and sue me. All you'll get is a caffeine-induced headache and .75 cents.**

 **I'm uploading this at three in the morning because I hate myself.**

* * *

Kaja's map had failed to get across exactly how boring the Shire actually was.

It was pretty, certainly. A scene out of a fairy tale Kaja's mother would have read to her as a child during a winter blizzard. A seemingly endless stretch of rolling hills of lush green grass and wild flowers. The air smelt sweet and clear, and birds were singing somewhere in the distance. But the trees were scarce, and there was little cover for Kaja to hide out in, not unless she wanted to be all the way out in the Old Forest, where news would be slow to reach her. It was spring by the time Kaja had trekked her way across the land and reached Hobbit country. So at the very least, she was not shivering in her boots as she sat waiting. It was about the only consolation Kaja had at the moment.

She had spent several days scoping the area out, deeply skeptical, before she had scaled a tree on the outer edges of the houses of the Shire. The leaves were full and green enough that it kept her hidden from prying eyes, and Hobbits seemed remarkably oblivious to everything that went on around them, so there was little worry she would be discovered in the high branches.

An approaching figure in the sky had Kaja hastily sticking her arm out of the branches and leaves, and a moment later a screech owl landed daintily on her outstretched arm, gracefully allowing itself to be pulled back into the relative safety of the tree.

"I don't like this being awake during daytime business," the owl huffed, ruffling his brown and white feathers importantly and giving Kaja's fingers a disapproving nip.

"And I don't like this 'living in a Hobbit tree' business, yet here we are," Kaja replied, unable to keep the snippiness out of her tone. "You're the one who told me Thorin Oakenshield was going to the Shire, Plume."

"Aye," the owl said, flexing his talons against the flesh of her arm experimentally. "That's what the robins said. 'Thorin Oakenshield', they said. 'Going out to Hobbit country.' That's what they said."

Kaja wrinkled her nose. "We're trusting the word of robins now? They're rather..." She made an indistinct noise in the back of her throat that earned her an unimpressed look from the owl.

"Well if you didn't want my help, you shouldn't have asked."

Kaja sighed, petting the top of Plume's head with the back of her finger. The prickly bird immediately made a crooning noise and hunkered down on her arm.

"Sorry, friend. It's just been a long few weeks."

Plume's grey eyes popped open to regard her shrewdly. "I should say so. I leave you alone for barely a month, and you go and get into trouble with orcs. _Orcs_! I taught you better than that."

"As if I walked into a den of them or something," Kaja muttered. "I'll have this all sorted out in a jiffy. I'll be having _words_ with this Thorin Oakenshield."

The damn dwarf had made things very difficult indeed for Kaja. Because of him, she'd been tracked down by orcs, threatened, and then killed those orcs. She could only hope they were unimportant enough to this 'Azog' that he didn't send any more after her. Either way, she would have to keep a low profile for a while. She didn't like the idea that any old orc had been able to track her down so easily. Kaja prided herself on remaining invisible when she wanted to be, and it was a slap to the face of her pride and her abilities to have it squandered by _orcs_ of all things.

"The robins didn't know anything about 'im," Plume said, nipping her finger with his beak until she resumed her stroking of his crown. "Nor did the flock of sheep I asked. Just that he's a bit of an important dwarf. You know them, very secretive. Even their animals wouldn't say anything."

She had asked the local wildlife as politely as she could for them to bring her any news of dwarves in or around the Shire. They had been happy to comply, as not many dwarves came to Hobbit country these days. She hadn't been expecting the veritable flood of wildlife once it got dark.

The first to arrive was a red squirrel, darting up the trunk of the tree, chittering excitedly and waking both Kaja and Plume from their dozing.

"Dwarf!" The squirrel chittered, zipping around the branch above Kaja's head. "Dwarf!"

Kaja had chosen this tree for it's view, and she leaned forward, squinting down the winding stretch of road that led into the Shire. Sure enough, she could see a figure moving steadily closer and closer. It was hard to tell in the half-darkness, but he was definitely a dwarf; too short to be a man, too large to be a hobbit. Kaja grabbed the wanted poster from her bag, unrolling it and squinting at it. There was a rough sketch of what this Thorin Oakenshield was supposed to look like. The dwarf stomping along, almost underneath her tree now, looked exactly nothing like him.

Perhaps there had been some sort of mix up? Robins weren't always reliable sources of information. Though it seemed a mighty coincidence that a random dwarf should show up at the same time and place that Thorin was supposed to. Perhaps the orcs just didn't know what he looked like?

The dwarf in the picture was crudely drawn, sure, but there were distinctive features to pick out. Strong nose, long hair, a relatively short beard for a dwarf. Comparing it to the one that was passing underneath them - broad, with a heavy beard but a partially shaved and tattooed head - there wasn't any contest.

"Dwarf!" The squirrel chirped. Plume shushed it impatiently.

"Must be a coincidence," he muttered into Kaja's ear.

Kaja didn't believe in coincidences.

It couldn't have been twenty minutes later that a sparrow came flying into the tree, wings flapping, chirping excitedly, "Dwarf! There's a dwarf coming!"

Kaja, Plume, the squirrel, and the sparrow all peered down the road at the approaching figure. This one perhaps had more lingering resemblance to the drawing, but he had an open, friendly looking face where the one in the drawing was frowning, and his hair and beard were full and snow white. He walked along steadily, humming under his breath, smiling about something. Kaja didn't know what _he_ had to be so happy about. Her ass was falling asleep from being in this tree for so long, and all she had to eat were dry rations. Plume had offered her some of the field mouse he had caught for his own dinner, knowing as he did she would just give him a revolted look. Damn bird.

"Another coincidence, probably," Plume hedged uncertainly.

Kaja grunted.

Perhaps another twenty minutes passed. And then a cricket came bouncing up the tree, exclaiming, "Dwarves! Dwarves are here!"

"This is getting ridiculous," Plume muttered, sounding personally offended.

Two dwarves were coming down the path now. The veritable crowd in the tree all watched with rapt attention as they neared.

"Are they having a party?" The squirrel asked excitedly. (His name was an incomprehensible string of letters and syllables, as seemed to be the norm for animals. Kaja had offered to just call him 'Winni' for short, and he had seemed very pleased.)

"Why would dwarves be having a party in a Hobbit home?" The sparrow (who Kaja had dubbed Ukon) asked scathingly. The cricket (Bard) chirped her agreement.

"I do not know," Kaja murmured once the dwarves, laughing and talking about something, had passed out of hearing range. "Winni, would you mind following them - _discretely_ \- and reporting back where they go and what they're doing?"

Winni had made a wordless sound of joy and bounded down the tree and off into the grass. Bard had sighed, saying, "I'll go with him so he won't get distracted by the grape plants again," and followed after him.

When two other squirrels (Vore and Aba respectively) came scuttling up the tree, yelling about approaching dwarves, Kaja almost threw her hands up and went home.

"Is at least _one of them_ Thorin Oakenshield?" She hissed.

The squirrels cheerfully informed her that they did not know.

This new party was much bigger, and Kaja counted them incredulously as they passed by. One, two, three, four, five... _Eight_ dwarves _?_ Was this a family reunion or something? If they-

Kaja pressed herself back against the trunk of the tree so hard and so suddenly that she momentarily dislodged Plume from his perch on her shoulder. He hooted indignantly, feathers puffed up.

"What on earth-"

"Shh!" Kaja hissed, and all the animals in the tree abruptly fell silent. Sensing her tension, they peered down through the darkness and the leaves at the last member of the company, who was considerably taller than the dwarves preceding him.

Kaja had never personally met the man before, but everyone had heard stories. And oh, how she had heard stories.

Plume narrowed his large eyes. "What on earth is the Grey Pilgrim doing with a bunch of dwarves?"

It was rumored that the old wizard had a strange fondness for hobbits, so it was not, strictly speaking, completely out of the realm of possibility that he would be in the Shire. But it was completely ridiculous to Kaja that he would be traipsing through the Shire, in the middle of the night, with a group of dwarves. The longer this night stretched, the more apprehensive she felt. Something was clearly happening tonight, something that involved Thorin Oakenshield, a wizard, hobbits; and it had caught the attention of a bunch of orcs.

Kaja trusted the Pilgrim - Taikuri, in the language of Lossoth where she was raised - in the way that she trusted most generally benevolent figures of tale and myth; which is to say that she trusted them to stay far away from her, and to never involve herself in their ways.

But it was all but confirmed now, the wizard - and surely the wizard was at the heart of this matter - was scheming something that had reached orc ears. And they were worried about it enough to have sent out wanted posters to apparently any mercenary they thought could deal with the problem. That wasn't good.

Kaja wasn't an altruistic, or even a nice, person by nature, but there were things even she did not meddle in. The affairs of orcs, the affairs of the Dark Lord, and the affairs of wizards. This evening seemed to be one hellish melting pot of them all.

Her breathing only returned to normal once the dwarves and Taikuri had passed far enough away that she could no longer see them. The animals, sensing her relaxing, all began to speak at once.

"I've not seen the Grey Wizard this way in a long time," Ukon said, sounding surprised.

"There must be a reason," Plume said, ruffling his wings agitatedly.

"Dwarves?" Vore asked nervously.

Kaja sighed, leaning her head back against the trunk of the tree and closing her eyes. "Yes," she murmured. "Dwarves."

But the dwarf she had been waiting for did not come. Kaja waited the requisite twenty or so minutes, but no more dwarves came stomping down the path. She waited a further twenty minutes, and nothing. Another twenty minutes came and went, then an hour, and Kaja was beginning to grow slightly concerned.

Surely not for the dwarf in question, no. It was no business of hers whether or not he had already been caught by orcs and had his head removed from his body. It was unpleasant, but there was no use in being concerned about it. If anything, Kaja ought to be relieved. It would mean she was off the hook - except for the whole killing three orc deal - and she could put all this nonsense behind her. But the stone in her stomach refused to shrink or go away. If anything, the longer she sat in the tree, the more it slowly grew in size.

"Don't tell me you've suddenly grown _morals_?" Plume snorted as if reading her thoughts.

Kaja smoothed out her expression and said, "Of course not. I'd just like to know if I can get out of this damn tree already."

"Nothing wrong with a good tree," Plume admonished, cuffing her ear with his wing. "You've had me flying all over creation, asking every animal that would give me a second glance about Thorin Oakenshield. I flew today in _daylight_ , for Yavanna's sake. You know I hate flying in daylight."

"You're dangerously close to whining," Kaja drawled, gracing him with a side-eyed look.

It earned her another cuff with his wing. "So how long must we stay waiting? Not all night, surely?"

Kaja only realized she had been chewing on the insides of her cheeks for the past half hour until she tasted blood. She swallowed and answered, "At least until Vore and Bard come back and tell us what's-"

"I'm Vore!"

She blinked, turning her head to see the squirrel in question scampering up the tree trunk once more, Bard the cricket perched with dignity on his head.

"Yes, you are," Kaja agreed. "Did you find anything out?"

"They were going to a place called Bag End," Bard answered. "I've heard of it before from the rabbits. Apparently he has good clover. Anyway, they all went there looking for a burglar. What's a burglar?"

"Someone who steals things," Kaja said, a little dazedly. "What else?"

"Well, they were looking for one of those. Apparently Gandalf is a good friend of the burglar, and he's going to help the dwarves with something. I dunno what. They were all very loud, but didn't seem to be talking about anything important."

Kaja forcibly stamped down the urge to continue chewing on her own cheeks. "Anything about Thorin Oakenshield?"

Bard made a sad noise. "No. I'm sorry."

Kaja sighed, and waved a hand. "It's alright. Thank you, both of you. You've been a lot of help."

The squirrels Vore and Aba took their leave then, calling goodbyes all the way down the tree, promising to return in the morning with nuts if Kaja was still up there. Kaja waved back and hoped to the Valar that she wouldn't be.

"What now?" Plume asked into the silence.

Kaja leaned back against the trunk, crossing her legs in front of her and drawing her cloak closer around her shoulders to ward off the night chill. "We wait," she replied. "And then I punch Thorin Oakenshield in the face for making me sit up this tree."


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm not at all pleased with this chapter, but I'm also really tired of staring at it and re-writing it for the nth time. So. Enjoy?**

 **Hopefully I can crank out the next chapter a little faster and update soon(ish).**

* * *

"If that's not Thorin Oakenshield, I'll eat my own boot."

"I would like to see that," Plume said seriously.

Kaja ignored the owl, gaze riveted on the dwarf making his way down the path into the Shire. There was no mistaking it this time. Even in the darkness, this dwarf could be none other than the one who had spent all day glaring up at her from the wanted poster in her lap. He strode along confidently, eyes fixed ahead, oblivious to the eyes staring down at him from the tree by the side of the road.

"I'll follow," Kaja murmured once he had passed by. "Don't give me that look, I just want to see if I can find anything out."

Plume's skeptical stare didn't fade. "If you think that's wise," was all he said.

Kaja snorted, shooing him off her shoulder, and began to pick her way down the tall tree. "All of you, just stay here. Or...go home, I guess. Thank you for your help."

There was a chorus of welcomes before the birds took to the sky, and Bard hopped away somewhere with a squeaky goodbye.

"Remember they have the wizard," Plume called down once she landed lightly in the grass.

"I'm not likely to forget," she hissed back, and hunched down in the tall grass, and began creeping.

Even moving slowly and quietly, her strides were longer than a dwarf's, and she caught up soon enough. Not having any idea where Bag End actually was, Kaja kept her distance and followed Thorin, trusting him to lead her to the right place.

Trust that would've been better served just going around knocking on doors asking where Bag End was. They were both comically lost within ten minutes, and several times Kaja had to duck behind shrubs or flowerbeds when Thorin would stop and stare around as if looking for an actual sign pointing in the right direction, or else when he would abruptly reverse his course. It was almost dizzying, following this dwarf.

But they made it, eventually, to their shared destination. Bag End was a Hobbit home on a hill, with a round green door and a neatly but not _overly_ neatly kept garden. There was, indeed, a lot of clover.

Kaja kept herself several houses down the road, peeking out over a fence as Thorin knocked on the door and stood waiting. And waited. And waited. And then finally the door was pulled open by a very short man - hobbit, rather - who looked incredibly harried, but also resigned to his fate, and Thorin stepped inside.

Kaja counted to twenty before she hopped nimbly over the fence and darted up the road, clearing the fence of Bag End in one swift leap, and, keeping carefully out of sight of any windows, crept around to the back of the house.

Lights were on inside, and even through closed windows she could hear the talking of dwarves, greeting one another like old friends. Kaja hunkered down a safe few feet away from the window where most of the noise seemed to be coming from, straining to hear what was being said.

A fat lot of nothing, as far as she could tell. What snatches of conversation she picked up seemed arbitrary and useless to her. Goings on in the Blue Mountains. A higher voice she presumed belonged to the hobbit, asking someone to _please_ put that down, it was _very_ old and _very_ expensive, and a rather blasé reply from one of the dwarves.

Just as Kaja was beginning to suspect that this entire trip had been a colossal waste of time, she heard a gruff voice ask something about the Iron Hills, and then silence fell, and a deep voice gave a reply that was met with much disappointed muttering and sighs. Over it, the deep voice said something about a quest, which piqued Kaja's attention.

"...on a quest?" The hobbit voice asked. Kaja blinked. Wouldn't the thief hobbit have known that? A voice she suspected belonged to the wizard said something, and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She should've known the wizard would be meddling with people's lives.

More indistinct speaking, and then the hobbit voice again. "The Lonely Mountain?"

Kaja's interest was definitely piqued now, and her eyes narrowed as she stared without seeing out into the dark. What business had the wizard with the Lonely Mountain? He couldn't intend to disturb the dragon, could he? Not with a handful of dwarves and a hobbit thief, certainly not. Not if he was still in his right wizard mind.

"Oin has read the portents, and the portents say it is time," a new voice rumbled.

More murmurs.

"Ravens have been seen...the mountain," another voice said. "When...return to Erebor, the...east will end."

"...beast?"

Yes, this wizard was most definitely meddling. That hobbit sounded distinctly nervous. And he certainly wouldn't be comforted by the reply a dwarf gave, which sounded pretty dismal even to Kaja, who caught only every other word of it at best.

A younger sounding voice broke in that he was afraid of no dragons, and would something a dragon's something right up it's something. This was met with a chorus of laughs and jeers. Kaja suspected it would've been more impactful if she could hear better, but she dared not move any closer to the window.

"...but we're fighters! All of us, to the last dwarf!"

"And you forget...a wizard in our company! Gandalf wil... _undreds_ of dragons in his time!"

Kaja bit her tongue to stop from snorting at the sounds of Taikuri blustering and muttering. It led to a lot of shouting and accusations thrown around, until,

"Enough!" If that wasn't Thorin Oakenshield's voice, Kaja would eat her other boot. "If we have...will have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug...eyes look east, to the Mountain... Perhaps the great wealth of our people...unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim...seize this chance to take back Erebor?"

The rousing speech was met with thundering cheers and stomping of boots and banging of cutlery. It only made the pit in Kaja's stomach widen by another uncomfortable margin.

The wizard was out of his damned mind. He was appealing to these dwarves to _regain honor_ (and gold, she thought with a snort) and _reclaim their homeland._ Which was all well and good, except for the _dragon._ And the fact that the orcs apparently wanted Thorin Oakenshield's head on a pike, and Thorin Oakenshield sounded like the head honcho in that room. Gandalf couldn't be just willfully ignorant of the danger, could he? And why on _earth_ was he involving a _hobbit_ of all things in this? Kaja had little cause to mingle with the little folk because it was well known they were a kind, gentle people who cared more for their teas and meals than for the world outside their door steps.

 _Meddlesome wizards,_ she thought uncharitably.

"...is no way into the mountain."

"That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true."

The wizard did... _something_ , because finally Thorin asked slowly, "How came you by this?"

"...safekeeping. It is yours now."

What Kaja wouldn't give to have brought Bard the cricket with her. What on earth had Taikuri given the dwarf? Surely nothing she could think of that would be of any use against a _dragon_ , short of another dragon.

"These runes speak of...ower halls."

"There's another way in!"

Kaja's eyebrows twitched. Sure, there might be a back entrance to the mountain, but what use was that knowledge when there was still a _dragon_ to deal with?

"...dwarf doors are invisible when closed," said the wizard. "The answer lies...do not have the skill to find it. But there are others in Middle Earth who can. ...task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth...ourage. But if we are very clever and careful, I believe..."

"That's why we need a burglar," the young voice exclaimed.

Kaja almost buried her face in her hands. What, were they going to steal all the treasure out of the mountain, piece by piece, under the nose _of the dragon_? She wanted to rip her hair out just listening to all this. Hidden doors and bravery and stealth and whatever nonsense were all well and good, but what was Taikuri's _plan_? He was a powerful wizard, but was he powerful enough to slay a dragon brooding over it's hoard? Why would he have such a vested interest in the returning of the mountain to the dwarves? Why would he even _need_ the dwarves, or the hobbit, to kill the dragon? As a matter of fact, why would it have mattered to the orcs?

"An expert, I imagine," the hobbit said matter of factly.

 _Oh boy_ , Kaja thought.

"...you are?" A voice prompted.

"Am I what?"

"...said he's an expert," a jovial voice said, and Kaja _did_ bury her face in her hands that time.

"No! No, no, no..." Kaja got the feeling there were about a dozen more 'nos' she missed. "... _not_ a burglar! I've never...in my life!"

There were some mutterings about this, and the gruff voice commented that the wild was no place for gentle folk. Which was perfectly reasonable, and Kaja wanted to climb through the window and yell _thank you_!

Instead, she ended up wincing and cowering further into the shadows when the wizard's voice rose to a shout that Kaja could hear clearly this time.

" _Enough_! If I say Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he shall be!"

Forcing her shoulders to stop hunching around her ears, Kaja frowned. The wizard was awfully set on this hobbit idea. To the point of blindly ignoring things like, you know. Common sense. If she left right now they would probably all kill each other in the house and she wouldn't even have to worry about this a second longer.

"...dragon is accustomed to the smell of dwarf, the scent of the hobbit is unknown to him. " The wizard's voice this time was calm and even once more, as if the outburst had never occurred. "...fourteenth member of this company, and I have chosen Master Baggins. There is more to him than appearances suggest."

There was silence for a moment, in which Kaja silently pleaded with someone in that room to have a bit of _sense_ , before,

"Very well. Give him the contract."

 _Thorin bloody Oakenshield._

One of the dwarves sketched an outline of the contract to the hobbit - Bilbo - who sounded very apprehensive about all this. The poor hobbit was in over his head, but what was she going to do about it? Nothing, that was what. Kaja was going to do nothing, because this was not her damn problem. If Thorin bloody Oakenshield and his friends wanted to follow a mad wizard headlong into the jaws of death, so be it.

She crept out from the shadows, ghosting soundlessly around the house and back onto the main road, making her way back towards the tree she had left Plume in. Her head was crowded with too many thoughts, and she was running on too little sleep and too little food. Kaja massaged her forehead, altogether sick of trying to make sense of the thought process of wizards.

Forces were clearly at work that she did not understand, and had no desire to mix herself up with. No, it was no concern of hers. She would go east, as she planned. She would find somewhere warm, and she would buy a new cloak, and she would fix her damn shoulder, which still popped and clicked unpleasantly every time she moved, and she was never going to think about wizards or hobbits or idiot dwarves ever again.

Plume came sweeping out of the darkness, landing lightly on her shoulder, causing her to startle slightly.

"Well?" He prompted when she continued to walk in silence. "Are we punching Thorin Oakenshield in the face?"

"No," Kaja murmured. "He's managing that well enough on his own."

Plume seemed to consider her words in silence for a while. They passed out of Hobbiton, and with nothing else to do, Kaja climbed back up the tree, settling on the sturdy branch she had taken up residence on before, making herself as comfortable as possible with her head pillowed on her small pack.

In the darkness, she felt Plume give a strand of her tangled blonde hair a gentle tug. "We aren't meddling with wizards, are we?"

She shook her head, too tired to respond verbally.

Plume nosed through her hair, preening her as he did when he was nervous or uncomfortable. "And we aren't meddling with anymore orcs, right?"

Kaja huffed a breath through her nose. "You have to ask?"

"They might be upset with you," Plume continued sternly. "What with you killing those three and all. And for turning down the illustrious offer to return to mercenary work for hire. Some people are tetchy about that kind of thing."

"I'll deal with it," she murmured sleepily. "In the morning. I'll deal with it then."

Plume nipped the shell of her ear, but gently, and said nothing else, and at some point Kaja drifted off to sleep with the leaves rustling all around her in the warm breeze.


	4. Chapter 4

**We're finally getting towards a little bit of action in this chapter. Kaja is a very stubborn character to write, and tends to refuse to go where I try and nudge her.**

 **Real Life Drama has kind of been sucking up a lot of my mental energy and leaving not much left over for me to want to write. I apologize if my updates are sporadic, I promise I'm trying my best here. And thank you to everyone who has reviewed or favorited or followed this story! Y'all the real MVP's. (And not to be That Person, but seriously, reviews would make me very happy.)**

* * *

 _A hand reached out, delicate fingers plucking a bishop off the board and setting it several spaces over._

" _Check."_

 _An irritated noise escaped the mouth of the woman's playing partner, green eyes narrowed suspiciously down at the chessboard on the table between them. Her small hand hovered over a piece, hesitated, then moved to hover over another. Time passed in this fashion until the woman sitting opposite her said, "If you move the rook-"_

" _I_ know _," the child said impatiently, face scrunched up as she snatched up her black rook and knocked over the white bishop. A cool breeze rustled the girl's hair, and she shivered minutely, shoulders hunching._

 _The woman calmly moved her pawn two spaces forwards. "You let yourself be backed into a corner too quickly,_ altin. _Keep an eye on all players in the game, or the game will be over very quickly."_

" _You're just too good at this," the child announced, pursing her lips before nudging her king over a space. The room seemed much colder now, despite the warmth of the fire in the hearth, and she felt herself trembling slightly beneath her thick winter dress._

 _The woman turned sea glass eyes onto the child, deeper and as unfathomable as the ocean; or at least they appeared that way to the girl. "Experience is not the only wise teacher."_

" _You sound like an old man."_

 _Why was the room so cold?_

 _The woman captured the girl's queen in one neat stroke. "Pay attention," she admonished gently._

 _But the girl's focus was no longer on the chessboard, or on the woman. It had wandered to the window which now was thrown wide open, the blue velvet curtains fluttering in the bitter cold wind. Who on Arda's green earth had left the window open? It was winter, and everything outside was white and frozen. No one even touched the windows during the winter. Their home was kept sealed shut, insulated against the cold until spring thawed the ground._

" _You aren't paying attention," the woman said again, so quiet the girl almost didn't hear her._

 _She was looking over the woman's head, at a figure of black that only just stood out in the shadows. The eyes were the only thing that gave them away, reflecting back the firelight, staring out at her from the darkness. It crept forward, this wraith, silent as the cold creeping up the girl's arms and neck. It stood right behind the woman, who was looking across the table at the girl with a non expression on her face._

" _You aren't paying attention," the woman hissed, right before the thing's black hand wrapped around her mouth and it's other arm brought up a long, ugly knife, burying it right under her jaw -_

Kaja's eyes snapped open.

Her body was taught as a bowstring, but she didn't move an inch as green eyes automatically focused in on the thing that had awoken her so suddenly.

A ferret was peering back at her, it's small black eyes blinking placidly, it's tail brushing back and forth in the soft grass.

Kaja looked at the ferret. The ferret looked at her.

Finally she said, "If you're the one that just woke me up by _biting my nose_ , I suggest you begin running right now, and do not stop."

Far from being intimidated, to Kaja's displeasure, the ferret just made a rasping noise like a laugh. "But you told us all to bring you news," it said, looking far too delighted at bothering her. "The owl said it too. _Bring news to the annoying human should the dwarves do anything interesting._ "

Kaja propped herself up on one elbow, turning her head to look behind her at Plume, who was perched up on a tree branch. His eyes, open only to slits, stared right back. "I did not say _annoying_ ," Plume said with dignity.

"Yes you did," the ferret replied innocently.

Plume made a sleepy noise of irritation, ruffling his feathers. "Ferrets are always such liars."

Kaja rubbed at her eyes, resisting both the urge to yawn and to hit both of them with something. It was still dark - the trees overhead made it too difficult to judge the time by the position of the moon - but Kaja didn't need to know what time it was to know she didn't want to be awake. She heaved herself up into a sitting position, grimacing a little when her back protested the movement and her joints clicked and popped. It felt like she'd been sleeping with her neck pillowed on a root. She was getting too old for this shit.

"It matters not to me what the dwarves are doing," she told the ferret. "I care not. Go back to whatever you were doing, and tell anything else you see not to bother me anymore."

The ferret stood up on it's back legs, head tilting curiously. "But they're doing something interesting."

Kaja planted her forehead in one palm, gritting out, "I do not care if they have smoked all the Shire's weed and are sacrificing the wizard to the Valar. It is not my problem."

Plume came sailing down from his perch, settling on top of Kaja's pack. "What is it they're doing?" He asked, flagrantly disregarding the glare Kaja sent his way.

"Getting eaten by trolls," the ferret announced, a bit too cheerfully, all things considered.

Neither Plume nor Kaja said anything for a moment.

Kaja... Kaja was not dealing with this right now. In fact, she was literally never going to deal with this. She slowly laid back down on the mossy forest floor, folding her hands over her stomach and crossing her legs neatly at the ankles.

"Oh well." She said.

Plume flapped his wings, landing on her chest to glare down at her. "'Oh well'?" He repeated exasperatedly. "You dragged me halfway across Middle Earth to stalk a bunch of dwarves, and your only response to them getting eaten by trolls is _oh well_?"

"I'm hardly stalking them anymore," Kaja muttered, closing her eyes with a sigh. "So it's not my problem. I told you, we are not getting wrapped up in their nonsense, Plu- _ach!_ "

She sat up abruptly, dislodging Plume from his perch, sending him with an indignant hoot back to land on top of her pack. Rubbing her sore nose and glaring, Kaja growled, "I don't know why I haven't plucked all your feathers and _eaten_ you yet, you overgrown pigeon."

Plume bristled, but did not otherwise rise to the bait, speaking instead in a voice of forced calm. "Just because you want nothing to do with the dragon slaying doesn't mean you ought to let them be eaten to death. You remember all our talks about things like _common human decency?_ Letting people be eaten is one of those things decent people tend not to do."

Kaja scratched the back of her head, grumbling. "You can hardly expect me to kill - how many trolls did you say there were?"

"Three," the ferret cheerfully informed her.

Kaja gestured at the ferret triumphantly. "Aha! You can hardly expect me to deal with _three_ trolls by myself. And I don't think this weasel is planning on helping." She swatted away the ferret's attempt at biting one of her fingers off.

"Just go to them," Plume said, sounding exhausted. "At least do that much. For me."

Kaja's lips pursed. He was doing that sad, beseeching look that always got her to do things she didn't actually want to do. Like not steal those priceless jewels, that one time. And not cut off the ear of that guy who had tried to feel up her skirt. And to not let a bunch of idiot dwarves be eaten by trolls.

"Gods damn you all," she growled, and pushed herself to her feet. She snatched up her cloak and threw it around her shoulders, muttering and grumbling the whole time. "Fine. _Fine._ " She shooed at Plume impatiently, picking up her pack and slinging it over her shoulder. "I make no promises, but I will at least _assess_ the situation, and _nothing more._ "

Kaja couldn't actually see Plume's expression, as he was now sitting on top of her head, but she had the distinct and unpleasant feeling that he looked terribly, terribly smug just then. They followed the ferret through the woods, moving through the darkness on soundless feet, Kaja cursing dwarves and wizards and owls with every step.

Her left shoulder ached and had made part of her arm go numb, and her head was still a little foggy from being dragged so abruptly out of a nightmare. Sleep, though her eyes craved it, she knew would not come easily, nor be restful now. That was a nightmare she had not relived in a long time, and it seemed terribly inconvenient that it should start happening again, now. Were she of a more spiritual type, Kaja might think of it as an ill omen of things to come. But she wasn't, so she blinked away the mental image of blood splattered across a white King and Queen, and put one foot in front of the other.

The ferret led them on a relatively straight path through the trees. They walked in silence for perhaps an hour before a pinprick of light appeared in the distance, and the ferret hopped up onto a root, turning to Kaja and saying, "The troll camp is up there. I don't want to be eaten, so I'll let you go on ahead."

"Thank you," said Plume.

"How noble," muttered Kaja.

So Kaja and Plume continued on alone, Kaja moving slower and more carefully now, having no desire to be caught and eaten by anything herself, nor to alert the dwarves to her presence. But Kaja wasn't a master thief for nothing, and she crept up to the edge of the clearing with nary a sound, peering out through the trees at the scene before her.

"I'm not seeing this," Kaja said firmly. "This isn't happening. I refuse to believe it."

Plume heaved a heavy sigh from his perch on top of her head.

The idiot dwarves had gotten nabbed by trolls, and there was no wizard in sight. Why was there no wizard? Were all wizards complete idiots, or just the Grey one?

Most of the dwarves were tied up in sacks on the ground. The less fortunate were currently being rotated on a spit roast over a fire. Kaja had never had the personal pleasure of being slowly cooked over an open flame, but it didn't seem like much fun. She made a mental note to avoid it in the future.

"Are you going to help?" Plume asked, sounding resigned.

Kaja snorted, ducking further in the bushes when one of the trolls blinked and glanced around, before shrugging and returning to poking at the fire.

"Hell no," she muttered "I'm not getting my ass eaten for them."

Plume's talons became uncomfortably sharp and tight around her head. She swatted half-heartedly at him.

"I am curious, though," she murmured.

"About?" Plume prompted.

Kaja didn't respond. Her eyes were on the pile of belongings that had been taken from the dwarves, shoved off to the side of the clearing. She _was_ undeniably curious. Right Orc had mentioned a map Thorin was supposed to be carrying. And if orcs cared about it, Kaja ought to at least know what it _was_ , right? Know thy enemy, or whatever. Or better yet, she could find out whatever mysterious object it was that Gandalf had given to Thorin. Maybe it was some kind of mythical dragon killing weapon. That could sell for a pretty penny.

The curly-headed hobbit struggled to his feet and yelled, "You're making a terrible mistake!"

 _Story of my life_ , Kaja thought, and began to slowly skirt around the outer edge of the clearing, keeping to the shadows of the trees and bushes.

"About the seasoning, I mean," Bilbo continued hastily.

"I don't think the little hobbit likes the dwarves that much," Plume muttered. Kaja shushed him.

"What about the seasoning?" One of the trolls questioned.

"Well," huffed the hobbit, "have you smelt them? You'll need something a lot stronger than sage before you plate this lot up!"

There was a chorus of offended shouts and insults about the hobbit's lineage. Kaja didn't know who to be more exasperated with, so she settled for ignoring them all.

She moved quiet as a mouse towards the pile of discarded cloaks and boots. The question was, which bag was Thorin's?

"What do _you_ know about cooking dwarf?" The troll asked suspiciously.

"Well! Uh... The secret to cooking dwarf is...is...er..."

"Yes?"

"I'm _getting there_ ," Bilbo blustered. "The secret is to...skin them first!"

"Cruel hobbit," snickered Plume over the sounds of even louder complaints and yelling. He relocated a safe distance to a tree when Kaja swatted at him again.

She rifled quiet as she could through another pack, then set it aside, grabbing another and rooting through it, keeping one eye on the trolls, and one on the dwarves. One of which had just been snatched up by one of the trolls, who sneered, "I've 'ad plenty of 'em with the skins on. Scarf 'em down, I say, boots and all!"

"N-not that one! He's infected!" Bilbo yelled frantically. "He's got...worms! In his tubes!"

"Vile," Kaja muttered to herself as the troll let out a disgusted noise and unceremoniously dropped the large dwarf on top of the others. There were more than a few groans and curses upon the landing.

"In fact," Bilbo continued, gaining steam, "they all have! Just infested with parasites. I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't."

"Did he say parasites?" One of the dwarves asked another.

"I 'aven't got any parasites!" One said indignantly.

" _You've_ got parasites!" A dark haired dwarf yelled.

Out of the corner of her eye, Kaja saw Thorin kick the closest dwarf, shooting him a significant look. Everyone exchanged glances, and then they were all yelling about how they definitely had parasites, _huge, huge_ parasites, parasites as big as your arm!

"What you want us to do, let 'em go?" A troll asked skeptically, like they were all being rather unreasonable about this.

Kaja's wandering hand brushed against something, and she snatched it up, grinning at the rolled up map in her hand. She tucked it carefully into an inside pocket of her cloak, then quickly scanned through the rest of the pack. Other than rations, a waterskin, and various bits of clothes, the only thing inside was a rather plain looking metal key. Kaja pocketed it without much thought, and helped herself to a strip of dried meat, because all she'd had for the past week as dry bread, and she was only human.

"This little ferret's takin' us for fools!" The troll roared.

"Ferret?" Bilbo spluttered.

It was at that time that Kaja saw a figure appear on top of a large boulder across the clearing. She recognized that distinctive silhouette, and had just enough time to take a mad dive into the darkness of the trees before,

" _The dawn take you all and be stone to you_!"

Sunlight flooded the clearing, and Kaja winced at the sudden brightness of it, rolling deeper into the woods and scrambling to her feet to duck behind a tree trunk. The trolls' wails were abruptly cut short, and when Kaja chanced a glance around her tree, she saw they had been turned to solid stone where they stood.

Neat trick.

Kaja didn't stick around for fond reunions. She booked it further into the woods, silent and sure as a deer, grinning to herself as she went. She heard a soft hoot overhead, and knew Plume was following her.

It had been too long since she had done a job, Kaja decided. She had nearly forgotten the rush that came from successfully taking something right out from under someone else's nose and having them none the wiser. She was running in the other direction while they were still tied up, and a laugh bubbled out of Kaja's mouth before she could stop it. It had definitely been too long. How had she ever wanted to take time off when she could ride this feeling for the rest of the day?

She ran until her legs were aching, and after judging a safe enough distance had been covered, Kaja slowed to a walk and finally came to a rest, breathing a little hard, to stand on top of a fallen tree as she surveyed her prizes.

The key seemed utterly insignificant to Kaja's eyes. Clearly it was old, but if every old thing had value, then nothing would be worth anything. It was a key to the dwarf's house, for all she knew. She stuck it back in her cloak pocket, turning her attention to the map.

It was printed on thin, soft leather. It was of the Lonely Mountain, although there seemed to be nothing special about this, either. Kaja squinted at it, tilted it this way and that, held it up to the dappled sunlight overhead, but no matter how she looked at it, it seemed like any old scrap of map to her. Some rude orc had tried to threaten her into hired murder to steal this piece of crap? Standards were clearly dropping.

"Don't suppose you can make anything of this?" She asked Plume, who was perched on a nearby branch.

He twitched his wings in what Kaja had come to think of as the owl equivalent of a human shrug. "I know little of human things," he said. "They seem ordinary enough to me."

Kaja pursed her lips, the adrenaline from escaping draining away, leaving her feeling empty and incredibly dissatisfied. It was clear she had built this whole thing up a bit too far in her head. She had spent weeks traveling from Drúwaith Iaur to the Shire dreaming up grand scenarios. Finding out that Taikuri was involved had only cemented the idea in her head that there were some grand machinations at work here, unseen hands moving pieces around the board.

But it was just eccentric Gandalf, leading a group of dwarves and a hobbit off to their fiery deaths via dragon. Wizards always had their reasons for things, but there was no reason in this that Kaja could work out.

She sighed, glancing around the surrounding trees, lips pursed.

Well, what was she going to do now?

The thief in her balked at the very idea of just _returning_ something she had stolen. There was no polite way to just walk up to a bunch of strangers, hand over a few apparently important items, and be on her way. And mad or not, Kaja had no interest in angering a wizard, and this wizard had a strange interest in this quest.

"Could just...leave it here," she muttered out loud to herself. "Wouldn't get more'n a copper piece for an old map and an iron key."

"This was all rather anticlimactic," Plume said. "And I'm awake in the daylight again. I don't like it."

"You always did love to complain."

Kaja twitched at the new voice, and turned to look at the fox that slunk out from behind a tree. It's red and white fur and black paws were immediately familiar to Kaja. She glared.

"No one asked you, Ferox."

The fox chuffed, hopping lithely up onto the fallen tree, winding around Kaja's ankles like a house cat. Somehow, she managed to make it sarcastic.

"Haven't you missed me? I missed you terribly. Without your constant whining, I was near lost and directionless."

Kaja jerked her leg away when Ferox rubbed her face against Kaja's shin. "Don't you have anything better to do?" Kaja demanded. "Any fox hobbies or something? Friends? A family? An orphan to eat?"

"Why, no," Ferox said thoughtfully, sitting and neatly curling her bushy tail over her paws. "I don't believe that I do. I'm frightfully bored, actually. So tell me, what is it you two are squabbling over?"

"We weren't squabbling," Kaja said indignantly, at the same time Plume said, "She stole something useless again."

Kaja's nostrils flared as she rounded on the owl. "What do you mean _again_?"

"All the things she steals are useless," Ferox said as if Kaja hadn't spoken. "Humans are so odd. You could have food or warm things, but instead you take things you can't eat or sleep on. Humans are very odd."

"Indeed," Plume agreed.

Kaja dragged a hand through her hair, wincing when her fingers immediately caught on a snarl.

It never ceased to annoy and bemuse her why Ferox insisted on following her around, showing up at inopportune moments to say something scathing and sarcastic, then waltz away again. Kaja suspected it was because the fox's only reason for living was to drive Kaja into insanity. Plume at least seemed to _like_ Kaja, and stuck around out of some misplaced sense of guardianship, if not friendship. Ferox just seemed to enjoy getting a rise out of her. How Ferox even managed to find her half the time was a mystery in and of itself; not that Kaja would ever give the fox the pleasure of _asking._

Ferox leapt neatly down off the tree. "Did you at least get rid of those trolls? They've been scaring away all my prey."

"It was the wizard," Plume said before Kaja could even open her mouth.

Ferox's ears twitched. "Radagast?"

"No, Gandalf. He's with a company of dwarves. And a hobbit."

Ferox made a low noise in her throat like a laugh. "Curious and curiouser. These are strange times, Kajaqetsiyah."

"My name," Kaja said, pinching the bridge of her nose and praying for patience, "is Kaja. Not Kajaq...Kajaqetsssss... _Whatever._ " Stupid animals and their unpronounceable names. Ferox was the only one that ever insisted on trying to give her an 'animal name'. It was apparently supposed to mean 'little half moon'. Ferox had never let her live it down that her actual name, in the language of the foxes, meant 'little'. Which was stupid, because Ferox didn't even come up to Kaja's _knee_.

"Must you two argue?" Plume sighed like a long suffering parent. "You always do this. It's giving me a brain ache, and I'm already awake in the daylight."

"Sorry," Kaja muttered.

"I don't think we'll be arguing much longer," Ferox said, tail swaying as she plodded away through the trees.

Kaja's eyebrow twitched. "And why's that?"

Ferox shot a foxy grin over her shoulder, and replied, "Because of the dwarf about to tackle you."

 _Is that a metaphor for something?_ was Kaja's first stupid thought, right before something slammed into her back and knocked her clear off the tree.


End file.
